i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
