I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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