just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why do cheetos always look like penises
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
