They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
