I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
