I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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