How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
