wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
