I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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