Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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