She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
