Four minutes until I can fart!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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