my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.