i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.