soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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