I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one