I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.