im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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