She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
