i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no, he came in my armpit
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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