wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
