FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
