apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
