you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
