Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
