I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
