My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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