nut hugger
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
