a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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