my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
