no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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