A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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