wat bout pragnant strippers??
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
