my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
