you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
