After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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