oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
