I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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