Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
