**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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