Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
