HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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