I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
