Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
