ugly people sure do ruin things
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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