Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
