So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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