i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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