hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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