yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
