I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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