i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
