My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
