you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
