wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
