don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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