Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
