Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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