I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
