drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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