Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
