why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
