So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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