i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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