His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize