I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
