Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
