You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
