I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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