Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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