We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My ATM looks so different sober.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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