That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
