I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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