so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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