Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
