My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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