I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
