why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
