I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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