I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
