I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
