did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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