Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
