He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
